Not Just Another First Day of School!

Today is a GREAT DAY! Not only does Kyla start 1st Grade, and Cruze start Preschool; today is my LAST DAY OF RADIATION! These are all such wonderful things to celebrate! My babies are growing up and starting some exciting journeys in their childhood, and I my friends am closing a chapter of my life that I wish never happened, but I am greatful that it did. There is one more reason that today is so special to me, and that is because I am at a place today where one year ago I was not...

One year ago, my sweet Kyla was off to her 1st Day of Kindergarten. An emotional day for any mother. It was also one year ago when my mother learned that she had stage IV colorectal cancer. I was an absolute basket case. My mom was sick, and I was scared to lose her. I didn't know what her future held let alone my own (as I had breast cancer, just didn't know it yet). I looked at my 5 year old daughter so excited, happy, and proud of her to have her entire future ahead of her. She was so excited for that 1st day, and did not look back with any hesitation. I knew in that moment that I must have done something right with her so far. I left her at school, went home and cried a river of tears and said a million prayers to God begging him to get my mom thru her cancer journey as she had radiation, chemo, and surgery in her near future. I begged and begged Him to keep her in my life, as I needed her to grow up with me and my family to see my kids do the amazing things I know they will. The emotions I encountered one year ago were very scary.

Fast forward to today! This amazing day! My prayers today no longer begin with begging God for a 2nd chance at life. All of my prayers begin with thanking God for the wonderful life he has given me and my family. This is going to sound rediculous, but I thank God for giving me Cancer, because even though it's now apart of me forever, it taught me the biggest and most valuable lesson about how to live your life. Am I still scared that cancer and tragedy is going to reoccur for me and my mom? Yes! I don't want this to ever touch our family ever again, BUT I've learned that you have to let your FAITH be GREATER than your FEAR!! 

Today I close another Chapter of my journey, my mom is in remission and thriving, and we are here to see Kyla and Cruze head off to another school year! I am so proud and thankful for the happiness I feel in my soul today! I counted, and since December, I have been in this cancer center (where I am currently sitting) about 48 times, and will be here about 6 more times between now and the end of the year. That's just here in Waterloo, not counting my follow ups in Iowa City. It's been a time commitment for sure, but today is a HUGE milestone!! Although my radiation has caused me physical discomfort, from here on out I am going to heal! My mom and I are both physically and mentally stronger today than we were 1 year ago, and it feels amazing! Many Thanks and Praise to the God we have! We could not have gotten thru this year without the absolute best support system of Family and Friends! 

So how are we going to celebrate?? BLAKE SHELTON concert this weekend with my mom, aunts, cousins, and family! I can't wait to get one great weekend of fun and celebration in before I head back to work Monday. That too, will be an adjustment after being off for the last 14 weeks, but it means I am moving on with my life, and this is what I've been waiting for all year!! 

So, today is not just another 1st day of school. Today is a really good day for me and my family! I hope you all can do something or find something that makes you happy today, and thank God for whatever it is you are thankful for!

Radiation

I started radiation on July 11th, and I have completed 3 full weeks of my 6.5 weeks of treatment. What they told me is that you won't have any symptoms or skin reactions til about the 3rd week. Again, they were right. I had no symptoms what so ever until this last weekend, and it's mostly skin burns. I've been lathering myself in the radiation lotion they gave me since I started hoping to avoid it, but it is there. As you can see in the picture below, there is a straight line down the middle of my chest, and very obvious that my treatment field is on my left side (right side in the picture). I'm praying it doesn't blister; that will be very uncomfortable but they told me it is possible. The other major side effect of radiation can be fatigue, and they said that can come later as the radiation builds up in your body. So far, the fatigue has not been an issue, but I've noticed it a little bit. What it sounds like is that it will get worse before it gets better, but if you all know me, I'm not going to let a little tiredness and skin burns bring me down. The radiologist in charge of my radiation advised me not to return to work until my treatments are complete, so I'm going back to work on Aug 29th. 

   Radiation burn on the right side of my chest in this picture.

I've been being good to myself by eliminating stress, eating healthy, and beginning to run! My goal is to run in the breast cancer 5K on October 2nd, so I've been training to do that. If the fatigue kicks in I will feel highly inconvenienced if I can't keep up with my 5k training schedule, but it's a goal that I have currently and will be pretty proud of myself if I can run the whole thing! 

Other than that life has been well at the Owen household. Last week was pretty sad for us as we had to put our beloved dog Dawson to sleep. He was 10 years old, and what Ryan and I consider our 1st baby. He got really sick really fast and after hundreds of dollars in vet bills, medication, and care we finally came to the realization that it was his time. I think that was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life. I really wanted him to die on his own, and I didn't want to make that decision, but once you realize they are suffering it was the humane thing to do. Either way it's hard to be home without him here. Everytime the doorbell rings or someone knocks, his bark and greet is no longer there. It is such an empty silence I can't get used to! It is definitely harder on Ryan and I than the kids. Dawson has been with us through our entire marriage and we loved him dearly. The kids just keep asking when we are going to get another dog. 

   Our last family picture with Dawson the night before we out him down. We miss him so much 🐶

My hair is growing back quite quickly. This is a good thing, except for its dark with A LOT OF GREY! I wear a hat a lot now since my wig is no longer that comfortable with hair underneath. Not to mention its summer and hot out anyway. I made my 1st appointment to get my hair colored next week, and I'm pretty pumped about it! I need to hide those greys... I look like an old lady! 

That's all I got for today, have a great week!

It's been a great JUNE! Bring on Radiation JULY...

It's been awhile since I posted any updates, but believe it or not I've been busy! Busy enjoying my time off, and summer in general. This last month of recovery has been great! I definitely prepared for the worst, and it has not been bad at all. I am finally regaining strength in my arms, and any soreness or pain I had is pretty much gone. When I met with the plastic surgeon for a follow up he cleared me to be able to swim since my scars are healed up, so needless to say I have enjoyed some days at the pool! I feel like I have gotten over my self conciousness of having no hair at the pool, or the lake. I just apply a lot of sunscreen on my head, and the rest of me of course. I was even brave enough to go to the gym with no hair for the first time last week. I'm just working on my cardio of course since my arms and upper body are not quite 100% yet. It seems dumb I know to care so much about not having any hair, even though many compliment me on the look. I just don't think I'll ever get over it. My hair is growing back quite quickly though. I'll be rocking the pixie cut before you know it.

My next step will be radiation. I was told by my doctors that I was very borderline and may not need to go thru with radiation, but after meeting with the radiation/oncologist, Ryan and I decided that it is best to go thru with it. It seemed like a "no-brainer" to me, and I felt like radiation is the best thing to do to reduce reoccurrence. What I was told by the radiologist was that in her biased opinion, she would do it. I appreciated her being so blunt with me. Everything she said made total sense. She said "if you were 74 years old, then I can see why you may hold off. But, you are 34 years old, and if there are any cancer cells left, lets zap them now. We know radiation kills cancer." She also assured me that the side effects of radiation would be very minimal compared to what I have already been thru with the chemo. Chemo effects your whole body, and radiation will effect only my left breast area. Some of the side effects I may experience include skin burns and irritation, tiredness, and possible heart complications. My heart continues to get monitored by echo cardio grams periodically, and so far it's been fine. I'm sure since my implants are already in, the radiation will affect my implant on that side as well, but that is cosmetic, and better than having cancer again. I figured I better get this done now while I have the time off from work and so I can close this chapter of my life and move on! I go in this week and get marked/tattooed as to where the radiation will be administered. I don't know exactly what day I will start my radiation treatments, but it will be after the 4th of July, and I will do 33 treatments (Monday-Friday for 6.5 weeks). Quite the time commitment, so I hope to get most of it or all of it done before returning to work. 

I would say it has taken me up until a couple of weeks ago to mentally understand what I have gone thru the last 6 months. I had cancer. My worst fear. How did I do this? I think thru chemo and surgery I was in such a "fight or flight" mentality that I wasn't even thinking about how serious of a condition I had. I just wanted nothing to change. I wanted to keep my life as normal as possible for my kids and for my mental health. Now that I have had the time to reflect on the situation, I am glad that it happened to me for many reasons. It has changed me in numerous ways, and has made me a more greatful human being. I feel so lucky and thank God several times a day that it was not worse. I thank Him for giving me a second chance at life, strengthening my marriage, and showing me how loved I am by my support system. I thank Him for my relationship with Him (God and I have gotten a lot closer this year that's for sure). I beg Him that this cancer does not reoccur, and promise to hold up my end of the deal by taking care of myself physically and mentally. Without my family, friends, neighbors, and many many others I could not have done this with such strength. I am so greatful this happened to me and not one of you reading this blog. It's been a whirlwind mentally as much as it has physically, but I'm ready to tackle the radiation and then be done with this, and MOVE ON!

I'll try better to blog more often. I really have been busy and have been enjoying the time away from work. My house gets picked up every day, and I have much more time to focus on my family. I love being retired! I know that August will come before I know it and back to the office I'll go, but I need this time not only to heal physically but MENTALLY as well. 

   Pool day!

More pool fun with friends!

   Cruze-man rocking Racquel. Can't believe this boy will be 4 tomorrow! 

   Me and my Awesome cousins at Corey's wedding last weekend! I'm so happy I made it to be there     for the shenanigans.

   ❤️❤️❤️

Life in Moderation on this Road to Recovery!

Last week was my first full week home of recovery. It was awesome, because both my mom and dad were here all week! The kids went to school/daycare and my parents waited on me the whole time. Ryan was able to return to work since they were here to help out. My mom did lots of laundry, house cleaning, and making dinner. My dad did lots of man duties for Ryan like mowing the lawn, fixing a few things, and I even had him hang a few pictures on the wall. My mom thinks she wasn't much help, because I wasn't laying in bed or on the couch the whole time, which I wasn't. I have been functioning well, but those darn drainage tubes that were hanging out of me were a pain in the butt, and really did a great job of getting in my way. Mike and Diane also did what they do best....entertain and spoil the kids! I know that after having them in Carroll all Memorial weekend and then here for a full week, that Grandma and Grandpa were tired, and probably needed this last weekend to rest up so they could go back to work today. They left Friday night and I was sad to see them go, because they really did help out more than they think they did.

Thursday, I went in to see my oncologist and have my Herceptin injection that I still get every 3 weeks. This gave us a chance to discuss my surgery results, and "where I go from here." With the very positive results from my surgery, they are questioning if I even need radiation at this point! You see, of the lymph nodes they removed during surgery, none of them tested positive for any cancer! AND of the breast tissue that was removed; what once was 8.5cm of total cancer, chemo shrunk to LESS THAN 1 MILLEMETER! AMAZING! This coming Friday I have a whole days worth of appointments down at the University of Iowa again, where I am meeting with their radiation oncologist group as well to see what they recommend as far as "if I need radiation or not." I'd love to not have to do it, but want this second opinion to make sure I make the right decision. I know there are pros and cons of doing it / not doing it. I'll update you all on that in my next blog post. More big girl decisions to make ahead when it comes to radiation.

So last Friday was the day I had been waiting for since after my surgery. I met with Dr. Lawrence, the plastic surgeon and GOT THE DRAINAGE TUBES REMOVED! NO MORE BALL AND CHAINS  HANGING OUT OF ME! I felt like a free woman. I came right home and went immediately to the shower, since I hadn't taken a shower in 9 days. It felt amazing! I had a great day Friday, and felt so good. I even got to go visit some friends til 11:45pm Friday night, and felt great, but then it caught up with me and I paid for it on Saturday. I woke up Saturday morning and was just fine, but ended up in bed sleeping most of the afternoon. We headed over to the neighbors house for their sons birthday party, but I had to go home early and go back to bed. I hadn't been taking the pain meds for a few days and thought I was doing well without them but broke down and took the pain meds for the rest of the weekend. I guess that's where I am still learning to take life in moderation, and be good to myself.

Sunday ended up being the best day of the weekend, because Ryan, the kids, and I got to go do my all time favorite activity of any summer! We headed to the lake with Ryan's brothers, Joe and Doug, and their families. It doesn't matter what lake we go to, it is the reason why I love summer so much. I love boating, relaxing, and appreciating the beauty of a beautiful summer day. Although I was not ready for the boat yet, I was just fine sitting with my 2 sister-in-laws while the guys took the kids out tubing and boat cruising. I hope by the 4th of July I am able to handle the boat, but if not, I will still love lake life :).

This week Ryan is home with me, and I am taking it easy for the most part, and coming up with some projects for him while the kids are enjoying daycare most of the day. I'm still pretty sore and having some twinges/muscle spasms in the chest area. I can't use my left arm nearly as well as my right arm (very frustrating for a left handed person). I really am obeying the rules of "not lifting anything weighing more than a gallon of milk". I think even a gallon of milk would hurt if I lifted it with my left arm. I have MORE DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS Thursday and Friday. Thursday is just blood work since my blood work has been off since my last chemo, and then I lost a lot of blood during surgery, so they are just monitoring it. Friday will be another full day in Iowa City (3 appointments), and will hopefully get an answer on if I need radiation or not. The struggle for me is different everyday. I need to "Take Life in Moderation" have fun a little, and take it easy. I have never been good at listening to my body, so I have to tell myself STOP, you aren't supposed to be doing that. I'm working on it! We have had such beautiful weather since I have gotten home from the hospital too, it's hard for me to not enjoy a beautiful day, right?

Overall, I feel like I'm doing much better than I thought I would be at this point. I'm just trying to relax, reduce any stress, and enjoy my "summer break" that I've been granted. Have a good week everyone!

Grandma and Grandpa Save the Day!! 

Ky's Last Day of Kindergarten on June 1st

   The sucky drainage tubes... And almost a boob shot 😜

The cousins loving a day at Lake Ponderosa

    Kyla caught her 1st fish!!

    Cruze wasn't so lucky with a big catch, but he had fun trying.

   Love these kids!

Home Sweet Home

I made it home yesterday, just 24 hours after my surgery. When I woke up from surgery, I never would have thought I would be heading home that soon! Waking up in the recovery room was awful. I was in so much pain, especially in my arms. I actually think my arms hurt worse than my chest. Plus I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't see anything! Once I got admitted into my room, I was able to sit and talk with my family about the surgery. Everything went as planned! Just as we wanted it to! 

In summary, this is how surgery went. First, they did the mastectomy and then removed the sentinel lymph nodes in my left armpit. One of the nodes had a clip in it because they marked it as the one that initially tested positive for cancer. They said that if they couldn't identify the one with the clip in it, that would have had to remove ALL my lymph nodes. The good news they only removed 4, including the one with the clip in it, and sent them into pathology. The pathology showed NO disease, so they did not need to remove additional lymph nodes!! I was very happy to hear that because your lymph nodes are an important part of your immune system, and getting lymphadema did not sound like too much fun. This part of the surgery was the longest part (about 4 hours). Apparently Dr. Sugg came out and talked to my family and she was thrilled with the result. The only downside was that I lost a lot of blood, but I didn't need a transfusion.

The second part of the surgery was the reconstructive part. The plan was to place implants in right away, but they warned me that I may wake up with expanders, and it all depended on how much skin they could save during the surgery. Lucky for me, implants are in!, and I won't need any additional surgeries at this point... Woo Hoo!! My fear was that I was going to wake up with no boobs at all, and I wasn't sure how I would handle that. 

I am so relieved to have this part over with, but I'm currently dealing with some annoying side effects. I'm staying on top of my pain meds, but they make me feel stoned and I pretty much fall asleep immediately when I take them. The drainage balls I have hanging out of me are a pain in the neck, and I have to wear them for a whole week. Oh, and I can't shower until the drain tubes are removed. So no shower for a week!! Gross, right. That's ok, my mom cleaned me up a little this morning, but it's not the same.

I am doing well at home! I can go to the bathroom myself, but changing clothes is a challenge. I am really good at sleeping, and there is nothing good on tv during the day (except for Ellen at 4:00). I got t see the kids last night too, and of course I missed them a ton. That may be why I wanted to come home right away too. My parents are bringing them back to Carroll this weekend so I can rest and relax. Ryan will get to be my nurse :)

Thanks again to everyone's support and encouragement this week! I loved scrolling thru all of the Facebook posts, texts, and pictures cheering me on. That actually made me feel really calm and collected knowing that I have the best support system out there! I have the best family and the best friends, and most importantly, GOD! This is probably one of the first times in my life I just had to trust that the man upstairs is going to take care of me, and believe in His plan. I hope this all makes sense since I am heavily medicated, and I'm not sure if anything I am saying makes sense. But, I wanted to let everyone know I made it home and that the recovery has started. 

Angie

The "Nesting" has set in...

You know how right before you have a baby you start "nesting." I find myself doing the same thing right before surgery. Only 8 more days til they "cut my boobs off." I'm not that excited about it, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I wish I was going in to have a baby! Having a baby is a happy time and I enjoyed/looked forward to meeting my children. Having a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery does not seem like it's going to be bring me the same kind of joy. If I wake up from surgery and they tell me I'm cancer free, then yes I will be relieved and greatful! However, I feel a little sad to "Say Goodbye to the girls."

I had a garage sale this weekend and got rid of a lot of stuff! This was my major "nesting" task. Got rid of all of the kids clothes that no longer fit them (and was over taking the storage room in the basement) and a lot of other random things. It felt good to get that done before surgery and make a little bit of cash :).

Since my last chemo and my last blog entry, I have been doing well for the most part. I went in a couple of weeks ago and still had Perjecta and Herceptin infusions. At that time, my doctor put me on a potassium pill for low potassium levels. I was thinking "really, another pill?" Can't I just eat more bananas or something? Honestly, the pill has helped my energy level significantly! I was surprised, and happy that I got my spark back. I will continue to get the Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks for the next year. This is protocol for those with HER2 positive breast cancer. I know that I will need to have radiation as well, but I don't have the details on that yet, and probably won't until after surgery.

My biggest complaint since my last chemo is my NAILS! My fingernails are literally falling off. This apparently is a symptom of one of my chemo drugs Taxotere, and it's rare that it happens, so of course it's happening to me. It's disgusting. They gave me an antibiotic, but it didn't help at all. So, I have nails that are oozing puss out of them and separating from my finger; and yes it's painful. I am so annoyed by this because I didn't expect it, and why did it start happening AFTER I was done with chemo? I expected to lose my hair, and I know I'm going to lose my Boobs, but no one told me my fingernails could fall off! Yes, they will grow back, but in the meantime, I'm really self conscious about it (and annoyed).

So the "nesting" will continue these next 8 days til surgery. I will work this week, and then start my leave of absence after this Friday. I'm making plans for the kids, and myself to get me thru this next big step. My parents and Ryan are going to be my life line to recover. I'm not that nervous at the moment, but I'm sure I will be come next Monday. I'm not scared of surgery, but terrified of the recovery (again, because I don't know what to expect and I like things to go as planned). I also like being independent, and I am going to have to depend on a lot of other people for a few weeks and that is going to drive me crazy. I guess the nesting and preparing gives me some sort of control and that makes me feel better.

I went to Iowa City today for my pre op appointment with Dr.Sugg. It wasn't anything too eventful, and she made it sound like this was going to be a piece of cake! I'm sure it will be for her, so I'm glad  my surgeons are confident.Then I guess I will continue on with life for a the next week until it's showtime. I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of family this weekend at my cousins graduation, because nothing is more fun than getting together with my aunts, uncles, and cousins!! My family is pretty awesome :)

I do like to end my blogs on a positive note, and of course share some photos. Here's what I have for now. I ask you all for your prayers and support during this crazy time! Thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️

     The garage sale that I am glad is over....

     Kyla and I having a girl's day!

    Cruze looking adorable.... 😍

Bye Bye Chemo! Chapter 1 DONE!

Thursday, I closed Chapter 1 of this breast cancer journey, and it felt so good! When I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Dec 10th, it was the thought of chemotherapy that scared me the most. I really didn't want to pump poison or potent chemicals into my body. Not my style, but I did it! Six rounds down. Yes, I am most likely going to feel like crap for the next couple of weeks, but I will handle it like I have handled the last 5 rounds. I'm actually proud of myself for handling the last 4 months the way I have.

I have had the best support system a girl could have thru this time. It has taught me so much about "being there for people who need you." It's easy to say the words, "I'm here for you! Just let me know what I can do." But when your support system shows up and steps up it is so reassuring! I had lots of special guests show up for my final day of treatment. I tend to have the "party" in the cancer treatment center, and that's what it felt like!

So, what is next? Chapter 2 will start on May 25th when I have surgery, which will consist of a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, I am having this done at the University of Iowa with 2 surgeons I feel very confident with! I am not scared of having surgery, but I am dreading the recovery after. Mostly because I want to do what I do best, which is be Kyla and Cruze's mommy. Of course I will still be their mommy, I am just going to need to help with them for awhile while I heal. I am an active person who stays busy, so I'm sure I will be going crazy laying around, and letting other people help me. Stubborn me tends to want to do things myself and my way. I hope the kids do not struggle with me being physically unable to do a lot of things that I do, which is my fear. It will probably be harder on me than them, but we are going to get thru it! 

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers, gifts, support, and love! I can't thank you all enough! I am doing well, and I am proud of myself for tackling chemo. It's not fun, but it was the hand that I was dealt, so I chose to deal with it in a positive manner. I love this quote, and it applies so much to me and my situation. Such great advice!