Home Sweet Home

I made it home yesterday, just 24 hours after my surgery. When I woke up from surgery, I never would have thought I would be heading home that soon! Waking up in the recovery room was awful. I was in so much pain, especially in my arms. I actually think my arms hurt worse than my chest. Plus I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't see anything! Once I got admitted into my room, I was able to sit and talk with my family about the surgery. Everything went as planned! Just as we wanted it to! 

In summary, this is how surgery went. First, they did the mastectomy and then removed the sentinel lymph nodes in my left armpit. One of the nodes had a clip in it because they marked it as the one that initially tested positive for cancer. They said that if they couldn't identify the one with the clip in it, that would have had to remove ALL my lymph nodes. The good news they only removed 4, including the one with the clip in it, and sent them into pathology. The pathology showed NO disease, so they did not need to remove additional lymph nodes!! I was very happy to hear that because your lymph nodes are an important part of your immune system, and getting lymphadema did not sound like too much fun. This part of the surgery was the longest part (about 4 hours). Apparently Dr. Sugg came out and talked to my family and she was thrilled with the result. The only downside was that I lost a lot of blood, but I didn't need a transfusion.

The second part of the surgery was the reconstructive part. The plan was to place implants in right away, but they warned me that I may wake up with expanders, and it all depended on how much skin they could save during the surgery. Lucky for me, implants are in!, and I won't need any additional surgeries at this point... Woo Hoo!! My fear was that I was going to wake up with no boobs at all, and I wasn't sure how I would handle that. 

I am so relieved to have this part over with, but I'm currently dealing with some annoying side effects. I'm staying on top of my pain meds, but they make me feel stoned and I pretty much fall asleep immediately when I take them. The drainage balls I have hanging out of me are a pain in the neck, and I have to wear them for a whole week. Oh, and I can't shower until the drain tubes are removed. So no shower for a week!! Gross, right. That's ok, my mom cleaned me up a little this morning, but it's not the same.

I am doing well at home! I can go to the bathroom myself, but changing clothes is a challenge. I am really good at sleeping, and there is nothing good on tv during the day (except for Ellen at 4:00). I got t see the kids last night too, and of course I missed them a ton. That may be why I wanted to come home right away too. My parents are bringing them back to Carroll this weekend so I can rest and relax. Ryan will get to be my nurse :)

Thanks again to everyone's support and encouragement this week! I loved scrolling thru all of the Facebook posts, texts, and pictures cheering me on. That actually made me feel really calm and collected knowing that I have the best support system out there! I have the best family and the best friends, and most importantly, GOD! This is probably one of the first times in my life I just had to trust that the man upstairs is going to take care of me, and believe in His plan. I hope this all makes sense since I am heavily medicated, and I'm not sure if anything I am saying makes sense. But, I wanted to let everyone know I made it home and that the recovery has started. 

Angie

The "Nesting" has set in...

You know how right before you have a baby you start "nesting." I find myself doing the same thing right before surgery. Only 8 more days til they "cut my boobs off." I'm not that excited about it, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I wish I was going in to have a baby! Having a baby is a happy time and I enjoyed/looked forward to meeting my children. Having a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery does not seem like it's going to be bring me the same kind of joy. If I wake up from surgery and they tell me I'm cancer free, then yes I will be relieved and greatful! However, I feel a little sad to "Say Goodbye to the girls."

I had a garage sale this weekend and got rid of a lot of stuff! This was my major "nesting" task. Got rid of all of the kids clothes that no longer fit them (and was over taking the storage room in the basement) and a lot of other random things. It felt good to get that done before surgery and make a little bit of cash :).

Since my last chemo and my last blog entry, I have been doing well for the most part. I went in a couple of weeks ago and still had Perjecta and Herceptin infusions. At that time, my doctor put me on a potassium pill for low potassium levels. I was thinking "really, another pill?" Can't I just eat more bananas or something? Honestly, the pill has helped my energy level significantly! I was surprised, and happy that I got my spark back. I will continue to get the Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks for the next year. This is protocol for those with HER2 positive breast cancer. I know that I will need to have radiation as well, but I don't have the details on that yet, and probably won't until after surgery.

My biggest complaint since my last chemo is my NAILS! My fingernails are literally falling off. This apparently is a symptom of one of my chemo drugs Taxotere, and it's rare that it happens, so of course it's happening to me. It's disgusting. They gave me an antibiotic, but it didn't help at all. So, I have nails that are oozing puss out of them and separating from my finger; and yes it's painful. I am so annoyed by this because I didn't expect it, and why did it start happening AFTER I was done with chemo? I expected to lose my hair, and I know I'm going to lose my Boobs, but no one told me my fingernails could fall off! Yes, they will grow back, but in the meantime, I'm really self conscious about it (and annoyed).

So the "nesting" will continue these next 8 days til surgery. I will work this week, and then start my leave of absence after this Friday. I'm making plans for the kids, and myself to get me thru this next big step. My parents and Ryan are going to be my life line to recover. I'm not that nervous at the moment, but I'm sure I will be come next Monday. I'm not scared of surgery, but terrified of the recovery (again, because I don't know what to expect and I like things to go as planned). I also like being independent, and I am going to have to depend on a lot of other people for a few weeks and that is going to drive me crazy. I guess the nesting and preparing gives me some sort of control and that makes me feel better.

I went to Iowa City today for my pre op appointment with Dr.Sugg. It wasn't anything too eventful, and she made it sound like this was going to be a piece of cake! I'm sure it will be for her, so I'm glad  my surgeons are confident.Then I guess I will continue on with life for a the next week until it's showtime. I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of family this weekend at my cousins graduation, because nothing is more fun than getting together with my aunts, uncles, and cousins!! My family is pretty awesome :)

I do like to end my blogs on a positive note, and of course share some photos. Here's what I have for now. I ask you all for your prayers and support during this crazy time! Thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️

     The garage sale that I am glad is over....

     Kyla and I having a girl's day!

    Cruze looking adorable.... 😍

Bye Bye Chemo! Chapter 1 DONE!

Thursday, I closed Chapter 1 of this breast cancer journey, and it felt so good! When I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Dec 10th, it was the thought of chemotherapy that scared me the most. I really didn't want to pump poison or potent chemicals into my body. Not my style, but I did it! Six rounds down. Yes, I am most likely going to feel like crap for the next couple of weeks, but I will handle it like I have handled the last 5 rounds. I'm actually proud of myself for handling the last 4 months the way I have.

I have had the best support system a girl could have thru this time. It has taught me so much about "being there for people who need you." It's easy to say the words, "I'm here for you! Just let me know what I can do." But when your support system shows up and steps up it is so reassuring! I had lots of special guests show up for my final day of treatment. I tend to have the "party" in the cancer treatment center, and that's what it felt like!

So, what is next? Chapter 2 will start on May 25th when I have surgery, which will consist of a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, I am having this done at the University of Iowa with 2 surgeons I feel very confident with! I am not scared of having surgery, but I am dreading the recovery after. Mostly because I want to do what I do best, which is be Kyla and Cruze's mommy. Of course I will still be their mommy, I am just going to need to help with them for awhile while I heal. I am an active person who stays busy, so I'm sure I will be going crazy laying around, and letting other people help me. Stubborn me tends to want to do things myself and my way. I hope the kids do not struggle with me being physically unable to do a lot of things that I do, which is my fear. It will probably be harder on me than them, but we are going to get thru it! 

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers, gifts, support, and love! I can't thank you all enough! I am doing well, and I am proud of myself for tackling chemo. It's not fun, but it was the hand that I was dealt, so I chose to deal with it in a positive manner. I love this quote, and it applies so much to me and my situation. Such great advice! 

Cancer Messed with the Wrong Girl

My aunt posted this on my Facebook page today, and I liked it. 

Just a quick update. I had a follow up MRI today, to check to see how my breast cancer is responding to my chemo at the halfway point. I've been a little anxious and nervous about it for a couple of reasons. 1) because MRI's suck! I get so uncomfortable laying in the tube, on my stomach, arms over your head for 45 minutes, and you can't move. And 2) the fear of the results... I have had a lot of fear of the unknown lately. Naturally one going thru cancer thinks about the "what if's." What if this isn't working? What if It is spreading? What if I don't live til my daughters 10th birthday? These thoughts have crossed my mind..a lot. But don't worry.... I have the proper pep talks with myself to snap out of the negative. One night I couldn't sleep and was feeling a bit depressed, so I forced myself to only read about successful breast cancer stories online. It helps to just only focus on he positive. I even googled bible versus and quotes to give me some positive energy. No one will beat this with the wrong attitude, so I refuse to be the negative Nancy.

Well guess what my friends.... CANCER MESSED WITH THE WRONG GIRL! I am happy to report that I got my MRI RESULTS back and my chemo is working! I am 3 rounds down out of 6, and was told today that it appears to have responded at an 85-90% response rate! The radiologist who read my results is very pleased! And this is just the halfway point on chemo! This is the best news I could have gotten.

So F you Cancer! You messed with the wrong girl! I fully expect to KICK YOUR A**!!

1/2 Way thru Chemo!

It's been a few weeks since my last post. Things have been going very well. I did very well the 2nd cycle of chemo (with the exception of being tired and dehydrated the week following chemo), but once I get passed that hump, I seem to bounce back quite nicely! At least now, I know what to expect, and the Neulasta shot helped my white blood cell count not drop!

Today I had my 3rd chemotherapy infusion, so 3 down and 3 to go! Today, I got the results back from my genetic testing, and I DO NOT carry the breast cancer gene!! I feel relieved by this, so I don't have to live with the guilt that this is something I may have passed down to my children. 

So where do I go from here these next few weeks? On the 29th I am having another MRI to make sure the cancer in my breast and lymph nodes is responding to the chemo. I am very anxious to have this done, so I have a piece of mind knowing our plan is working! I've had 2 doctors do breast exams who believe that things are shrinking up nicely, but the MRI will give us all a much better picture of this. I follow up in Iowa City on March 18th for some pre-op appointments with the surgeons. We will schedule my surgery at that appointment after I have all 6 cycles of chemo. My last chemo is scheduled for April 7th so I'm guessing my surgery will be in May sometime. 

On a more personal note, I want to share a couple of things I have learned thru my experience so far. When I shared my story thru my first blog, 5 days after learning I had cancer, I got mixed reactions from a few. I had those who said "Way to go! I love that you are sharing your story and not keeping it a secret." I had a few say "This isn't me, this is too private, not for the whole world to know, etc" First of all, I don't disagree with either. I was not sure I wanted to put it all out there, and my reasoning for doing so was it was an easy way to keep many informed who need to know and care about me. I panicked by posting it on Facebook, but IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID! My mom told me early on that it does help to talk about it, and thru this blog I have been connected to many who have been thru breast cancer or who have been thru tragedy and I find talking to others about our experiences so empowering. I have learned that I am not alone in this, and by talking to others I am being connected to a whole world of resources that I need! I really want to help others going forward who have cancer, so if any of you know of someone who needs to talk, please connect them to me! No one is alone in this, and if someone wants to talk or ask questions, I want to help others whether I know them or not. I've gotten some great advice and therapeutic talks from those I've never met, but we share this now common bond. It's a powerful feeling to be supported by so many.

This leads up to my second point. Someone who reached out to me early on stated "You will go thru hell this next year, but believe me when I say, you will experience many blessings along the way." That comment really stuck with me, and I am experiencing blessings each and everyday from my "Angie Strong" supporters! Ryan and I had a conversation about how we can possibly thank everyone, or how can we pay this love and support forward??? Whether you are a member of our family, a close friend, a not so close friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, or an aquaintence who has brought us a meal, organized a meal, sent a gift card, a gift, or even a card or a Facebook message, please know WE APPRECIATE IT ALL SO VERY MUCH! Before my own experience with cancer this year (my moms diagnosis and my own), I shamefully admit I was not the first person to reach out. After so many supporting my family these last 5 months, I can promise you all if you need anything, I'm going to be the first person to be there for you! I promise! It's been a blessing to be supported the way we have been. Without a doubt, I've been blessed by many thru this awful health diagnosis, and it's the blessings that are going to make me survive it! 

Thank you all for doing what you have done, and thank you for reading my blog. Until next time, have a great one!

Angie

PS - A few photos from the last few weeks...

Mom and I (cancer survivors) hanging out!!

Don't want to leave Miss Kyla out.. She loves having her picture taken these days!

Snapchatting Raquel. I love her!!

The kids and I celebrating Ryan's Birthday on the 4th.

My co-workers showing their support by flashing their bracelets at a conference I was unable to attend in St Louis.

Round 2 of Chemo in the Books..

Hello all! What a week it has been! First of all, I had another great week! I've been feeling like I don't have cancer at all! I am not going to complain about that!

Last Saturday I took the plunge and shaved my head 🙈. My hair was out of control falling out and I even developed a significant bald spot right on the top of my head so it was time. My loving husband got out his clippers, cut off as much hair as he could, and then shaved the rest. I can't even believe I am saying this, but it was a relief! There were no tears on my part, and I still haven't cried about it. Probably since I get so many compliments on "Raquel" (aka my wig) and quite honestly, "Raquel" looks better than my real hair did! I'm getting used to wearing the wig in public, but at home, it's beanies and stocking hats. I'm handling the psychological shock of being a long haired blonde to a butch pretty well I'd say. It is what it is!

Thursday was round 2 of chemo. Like the first round, no bad side effects right away and so far so good. Since I did get quite ill one week after my first round of chemo, they have started me on the Neulasta shot right away to prevent my white blood cell counts from falling so low. I am also going to get fluids early next week since that seemed to perk me up before. I'm confident that they are trying to stay ahead of the "low point" this time around. The other positive news I received was that they believe the chemo is working! Dr. Masri said he can tell a difference already just by feeling my lymph node, and it isn't as large or inflamed as before! Praise GOD and all your prayers! 

Yesterday (Friday), Ryan and I went down to Iowa City and met with the breast surgeon group at the University of Iowa. We also met with the plastic surgeon group as well. It was a long day, but well worth our time! We received so much information that I couldn't possibly lay out all in this blog, but we both agree that Iowa City is where we will be most comfortable having surgery when that time comes. I will continue my chemo treatments here in Waterloo. No one disagrees that I am being treated incorrectly, so why change something that is working right? I am very happy we sought out that second opinion. Dr. Sugg also did a breast exam and said to me that she feels very little tumor which tells me that hopefully the chemo is shrinking the mass! I was very happy to hear this!

I am feeling really good, but need to take it easy this next week. They told me that I would likely feel some bone and muscle pain this morning when I wake up (from the Neulasta shot), but I don't so far! I am beyond excited that my mom and dad are coming today to see me! I haven't seen them since Christmas or since my mom and I started our chemo. She is feeling great as well, so we are planning on spending some time together. We need to take advantage of the time we are feeling well and spend time together. I can't wait to see them!

So I wasn't sure if I was going to share some photos or not, but I know you are all dying to see what I look like bald... I'm not sure what to call this look.... GI Jane?? Charlize Theron? I've been told I look like a bad ass, fierce, or that I have a really nice shaped head...lol! So meet my bald self.. I'm not ready to rock the look publicly, so if you see me out and about I will likely be Wiggin' it or have a stocking hat on this time of year in Iowa... Enjoy!!

Angie

Wiggin It!

It's been awhile since I've updated everyone. Actually, there isn't much to update you on..

After being really sick last week due to having a really low white blood cell count, I am having a great week! I feel back to my old self, and plan to enjoy feeling great until I have my next chemo treatment, which is next Thursday. I have energy, and have been working everyday! It feels so good to have my routine back in order. 

My hair is falling out like crazy!! I hate it, and I'm sure over the weekend I am either going to cut it really short, or just shave it off completely. Today I wore my wig to work for the first time. I figure I need to start getting used to it, because there is no saving my hair. You just touch it and it falls in your hand. I attached an updated selfie of my wig.. Which I've named "Raquel."

Other than that, I don't have any updates. Two more chemo treatments and then they will rescan me to see how the chemo is working, and then decide from there if we will proceed to surgery or continue the chemo treatments. This is about 7-8 weeks away before that decision is made.

Thanks again to all my family, friends, and AngieStrong supporters out there!! Keep the prayers coming!

Angie